The Button

I have to say I am beyond overwhelmed and amazed by the encouragement and prayers our family has received from our dear friends we know, blog friends and strangers! The words of encouragement have brought me to tears as a read them. Good tears! Tears of encouragement, so thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We may not always hear Gods voice audibly or even through his word, but I have certainly heard him through your messages.

It has been difficult having Howard away at this time, not having him here to lead us and make decisions. But I have to say when I get to talk to him in the evening he is certainly a rock and a man of great faith, even if he says it only a few words. He reminded me that we have been through harder things than this and God has always seen us through! And its true God created it all the heavens and the earth, all of us on earth! He can more than carry us through! He is our provider, comforter, healer and deliverer! When I remember that, it comforts me to know the kids and I are not alone right now :) On a lighter note Howard will be coming home the night before Addy is to be admitted! Thank you God! Also we have found an insurance provider to carry Nathan and Addison's medical needs! A huge relief for our family! The only reason we are in between carriers is because we have started a company in January.

The only part of me being so open and honest about this situation we are in, is that I don't want this to discourage those people that may be considering adoption and more importantly the waiting child program. I had someone ask that if I knew then (upon referral) what I know today about Addison would we have not accepted her referral......ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! I have no doubt in my mind that she was meant to be in our family, she is our daughter and I love beyond what I could ever imagine! God started us down the adoption trail because we were moved by the thought of a child with brittle bone disease not getting the love and care they need.....and that was what we needed to keep taking each step towards the unknown. What God brought into our lives was the most precious, funny, joyful, loving and compassionate little girl with a minor need that turned into something greater. And I am so beyond grateful that God knows better than us!

Ok now that I have rambled! More about the button! My sweet friend Paige created a pray for Addison button for us! I have never met Paige in "real life" but through blogging I have gotten to know her and love her! your can check her blog here http://www.theriegelfamily.blogspot.com/ and see what she posted about the button. Thank you Paige! Hopefully we get to meet for real :) Anyways you can add the button to your blog if you like by grabbing the codes and adding a tool.

Also a family we travelled with, who is a Pastor of a church in Calgary is encouraging his congregation and others to pray for Addison this Sunday, as a national prayer for Addison day! So beyond humbled and amazed by such love from others! Thank you to everyone else that I can't even begin to mention, for you love and prayers.

Finally Miss Addison is doing well, we see no signs of sickness, and we will be seeing her Pediatrician again next week armed with many questions! Ideally Howard and I would like to speak to a specialist before going ahead with this treatment. We will see what happens! She is beginning to hate going to the doctors, and I can't blame her! Everytime we hop in the van she tells me "no needles! No doctors!" So I have to reassure her that no we are just going to the grocery store etc. She is so sweet :) We love her so much! Nathan, Josh and Riley are of course worried and wanting to pray for Addison's liver every night, I keep trying to reassure them that it will all be ok.

The lord is my Shepard, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me, your rod and staff; They comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil. My cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

~Psalm 23~

Flying to China? And other stuff :)

I had to share this quickly, I know the pictures aren't great and both the girls are in their PJ's with bedhead! But whatever!

They were coming home from China with their new babies! Addison started this pretend play, and Riley followed along :) Riley even made a makeshift baby sling with two of her scarfs! It so fun to listen in on their games :)

On another note, Howard was able to have Addison added to our extended medical with no questions asked! Thank you God!!!! And he will be coming home for the week Addy is in the hospital! Which is a huge relief because I didn't want to rely on friends to look after the kids for that week, as we also have to go to Montreal from March 6 - 10th for Nathan's treatment and specialist appointments. And may need their help then! Things are falling into place. (insert sigh of relief) Our family certainly doesn't want to be partaking in this new journey, however this is the path God has chosen for us to travel, so we will do so with trust in him and him alone :) And try to remember that when we are in the really tough parts :)

Questions upon Questions

We have had a few questions as to why the medication will not be covered, well mostly politics! Addison was in the process of being added to our extended medical, however because we have started our own company, we only have 3 months of coverage left. I have been looking into other extended medical plans, but all of them have health questionnaires and will deny coverage for any existing conditions our prescriptions. Our best hope is if she can be admitted as an outpatient and the hospital covers the cost. I have talked to our GP and he said will have to push for that as she needs these injections. I must add though, we have had problems with that exact idea in the past with Nathan and his infusion, hence the reason we go to Montreal for treatment, not Edmonton or Calgary. The medication will be covered for sure, for the first week she will be admitted.

I guess what I know is, that God will provide our every need (not our every greed!) and as much as I trust he will provide, it still scares the heck out of me :) I guess that is me trying to take these problems and fix them on my own! Heh! I should probably stop doing that! Lol!

We have been told by both of our doctors that this is a condition that they have never dealt with, however they are consulting specialist's for instruction. So I guess we are the blind being led by the blind right now :) Right now I have more questions then they have answers for! I hope to have more conclusive information before we start Addison on this treatment.

I have to thank you all for the messages of encouragement on the blog, facebook, email and telephone! It means alot to us. It always humbles and amazes me, how everyday people can show Gods love through their hands!

Unexpected News From the Doctor.

As I sit here and contemplate how I am going to write this post, I am looking for pictures to add and chuckling at all the comical faces my sweet girls can make.

Addison and I have returned home from our last doctors appointment, a little stunned and overwhelmed. We have just had word that her body is attacking her poor little liver.....which means in two weeks from now Addison will be admitted to the hospital to start 4 - 6 months worth of anti viral injections. She will need to stay in the hospital for the first week of injections to make sure she has no major adverse reactions to the medication. And then we will be able to do the injections as out patients (hopefully) and come home.

Our pharmacist has warned us this medication can cause hair loss, nausea, lack of appetite, lowered immune system, aggressive behaviour, and extreme exhaustion, during the beginning of the treatment, however (hopefully) her symptoms will improve as the treatment progresses. We have been warned that the treatment is extremely expensive, so we are praying she can receive treatment as an out patient so that the injections are covered. I know the Lord will provide a way for us to cover these treatments, yet to say its not a concern, would be an understatement!

Addison's pediatrician has told us that if we can't get control of this she could be looking at a liver transplant in the next couple years! That gave me a bit of a jolt, and I am not sure if I heard what he said after that, for a few minutes!

To say that I am shocked is an understatement! It was on our radar as an off chance that this could be an issue ( like 5% chance) from the tests the orphanage was testing her for. As I sit and type this I have moments of peace and trust that the Lord will carry Addison and our family through this, and then moments of such sorrow and anxiety.

Howard is still away working right now.....we have seen him for one day in the last 2o days. Our whole family misses him immensely! We are hoping that he will take leave and come home for that week Miss Addy is in hospital, so one of us can be with our other kids, however if the injection is not covered, he will remain away so we can swing it. Also Nathan broke his femur 10 days ago and hasn't been able to go to school since it has happened. So to say that I feel like we are going through a time of testing, would be a huge understatement!

In amongst this gloomy post, I must say....Our God is good, ALL THE TIME! He will hold us together and carry our family through this trial. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that these trials and momentary struggles we must endure here on earth are preparing for us an eternal glory that far outweighs anything we can face on this earth! Am I weary? YES! Am I troubled? YES! but I know that God says that He uses ALL things for the good of those who loves him! And I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!

You word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. ~ Psalms 119:105

The Lord is a good refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him. ~Nahum1:7~

When you pass through the waters, I Will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fires you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord, your God. ~Isaiah 43:1-3

Well my family, friends and bloggy friends if you believe in the power of prayer, our family would be humbled if you would lift our sweet Addison up in prayer. We are praying that this medication will heal her, that she will be 100% after this. That she will not succumb to the side effects of this medication and that she will be able to trust Howard and I as we guide, love and nurse her through this illness. Please pray for the rest of our family as well ( I think we may need it! lol!) Our other three kids will be quite concerned and I know this will be a trying time for them as well. I am hoping to have our laptop running at the hospital and will update you all, as we know things. We would like to make her stay as fun as possible. As we are only there in case she has a bad reaction, so if any of you have any ideas for entertaining a 2 year old who doesn't like t.v. Please, please, please message me in the next two weeks so we can prepare a hospital entertainment kit :)

"Cwazy Hair"

Thats how she says it....."Cwazy Hair." I was bathing Miss Addison last night and we made a crazy hairstyle. Addison loves cwazy hair! She insisted on being taken out of the tub so she could look in the mirror. As she looked in the mirror she started to laugh and said "Cwazy hair, like Mama's!"

Sheesh! tell me how you really feel Addison!lol! Yes I have curly hair, but apparently in her little world It is indeed Cwazy! So I guess that makes me her Cwazy haired Mama! :)

We're Still Here

Riley now has Addison's bug and is quite sick. So we are just trying to keep everyone comfortable and hang at home, which results in a truckload more housework for me :) We really haven't done anything that is interesting around here. Howard came home for 2 days and now he is gone again for 8 days. Nathan has been home with a "sore" femur. We have had some beautiful, exceptionally warm weather these past 5 days, so much so that I can see our grass in places. Although it is snowing as I type this. The big fluffy kind of snowflakes!

I am in the process of planning a trip to Orlando for our family, so that is helping this winter not seem so bad. We will be bringing Howard's mom with us, which will be really fun & certainly nice to have an extra adult. This will be our second trip to Orlando and this time we will be staying for 2 weeks. I have found a townhouse quite close to Disney and the boys are beyond excited to check out the Harry Potter theme park at Universal. We will be there over Riley's birthday and she is hoping to have lunch with Cinderella at the castle :)

So that is basically whats going on in our little world. Lots of just laying low. I'm still hoping the boys and I don't catch the bug the girls have. Hopefully my next post will be a little more exciting!

Moments when "it" hits you.

Miss Addy is very sick. She has a ridiculously high fever and is listless. I have been enjoying cuddling and rocking her in our rocking chair, she just snuggles right in and dozes off and on, I think these last couple days I will remember always. She keeps on saying "wo ai ni, Mama" with so much trust and love that it nearly breaks my heart.

I was talking to someone on the phone, and they asked "Is she always like this when she's sick?"

Well I couldn't answer that, could I? I honestly don't know! This is the first time she has been truly sick, since she has come home! We don't know how often she gets sick, or how sick she truly gets because we have only known her for 6 months! And as I think of that it breaks my heart. When she got sick in China, was she cuddled, loved on, had her temperature checked regularly and given her favorite juice to drink? Did she get sick often? Did she feel loved and nurtured when she was sick? Or did she feel scared and abandoned? As we have been home longer and longer I struggle with these "trivial" questions. Isn't a mom supposed to know these things about her child? I usually laugh it off and say something silly to hide my horror at not knowing what my sweet little girl likes when she is sick, scared, in a new situation etc. But its not funny, its tragic. I only hope that I can be who she needs me to be. And that Howard and I can teach her to turn to the Lord for her every need, when we fail.

So I guess in this odd weird way, I am treasuring the fact that she is sick, and I can be her mom and nurture her through this sickness. We can learn what helps her when she is sick and what doesn't. And we can teach her through our actions, not just our words that our family truly does love her! I am amazed and in awe of how all the other kids want to help her, play toys while she lays on my lap, bring her sippee with water, read her stories, give her hugs and nurture her as much as I do. I can see the love and compassion they have for their little sister and it makes my heart sing. Especially with Riley, she has hardly left Addison's side. I have to say their relationship has been extremely rocky lately, so to see this encourages me that a special bond will be forged with these two girls who God meant to be sisters.